A letter from God to Kim Davis

I wrote this September 9, 2015...

Hey, Kim. It’s me, God. We need to talk.

I was trying to be a good parent, I was trying to give you your space. That's why I created "free will," right? So you guys can make mistakes, figure out these things on your own and feel a sense of accomplishment.  Contrary to what most rappers believe, they don’t need to thank me when they win an award. Sure, it's a very sweet gesture but I’ve got nothing to do with that. I stay as far away from the Grammy’s as possible. I’m just not the target audience for Taylor Swift anymore. And I definitely have nothing to do with Kanye. That’s all him.

But when I heard that you were denying gay couples their marriage licenses and you said that you were doing it all under MY authority?

Kim. Just…NO.

You are being incredibly self-centered. And you’re clearly unable to accept those different than you?  Honey, you sound like a teenager and I know that you’re definitely a bit older than that. You clearly missed some important lessons in bible study.

I would never ever ever do anything to keep my children from getting married. Do you know how much I love weddings?  A LOT.  Weddings spread love.  Weddings get people into churches.  Weddings get people to turn off their phones.  Do you know how hard that is to do these days?

First off, I wanna figure out why you think you’re working on my behalf? Is it because of what you read in The Bible? You do know that I didn't exactly write The Bible, right?  Yes, it's the "Word of the Lord" but I had ghost writers. And you do know that it has changed dramatically over the years to fit the prejudices of the men of the time. It's like saying you live by the gospel of Tupac and then you quote Ja Rule. It's a copy of a copy. The main commandment I want you to remember is LOVE. “Love your neighbor as yourself. There is no greater commandment than these.” It's pretty simple, right?  I never said, "Love thy neighbor…except for…well...you know…THOSE people.” Oh, and speaking of things that I never said…

You and your friends always like to refer to 1 Timothy and the supposed words, “Those who practice homosexuality will not be welcome in the kingdom of God.” I never said that.  The term homosexual started getting included in Bibles only after 1946. In fact, the term “homosexual” didn’t even exist until 1800 years AFTER that passage was supposedly written. But for argument’s sake, let’s say I did write it. (Which I didn’t.) According to other passages from the exact same text, YOU, a woman, would not be allowed to speak. AT ALL.  And you’re not allowed to wear pearls or gold. You’re not allowed to be a teacher. You are definitely not allowed to be County Clerk. We should stone you right away for being a woman in a position of authority. And if you ask, “Are you sure?” Um, yeah, I’m sure. While 1 Timothy vaguely (and I mean VAGUELY) mentions homosexuality once, it mentions the shortcomings and subjugation of women six times. Does that mean that women should stay subservient to men? Of course not. The only thing constant in our world is change. You should know that by now, considering you’ve changed husbands several times. But we’ll get to that later.

Honestly, and I’m not making excuses, but the Bible is one of my early works. Kinda like the dinosaurs. I was working some stuff out. I look back and I’m amazed at some of the crazy stuff I said. The thing about eating shellfish and wearing clothes from two different threads and stoning your daughter to death for having her period? I take responsibility but, c’mon, you can’t take everything literally. The Bible is like Howard Zinn’s “People’s History of the United States.” There are some great ideas in it but you can’t just read it alone. I mean, sure, it’s still my best seller, I’ll always hold a special place for it in my universe but I’m an artist and, like all other artists, I’ve grown so much since then.

We’ve grown so much since then. Overall, I’m proud of my kids. My kids all over the world have endured so many famines, so many wars, so much prejudice and they always come back to the tenet of love. My kids always get back up.   My kids take their pain and turn it into something beautiful.

I’d love to see you grow from this experience, Kim. Cuz, right now, I’m very disappointed in you. I know your supporters think you’re some kind of hero. Like your stance is some major civil rights cause that you’re leading. Trust me, I knew Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. You, mam, are no MLK. You’re more like Bull Connor, turning on the firehoses, keeping your gay brothers and sisters from what they rightfully deserve. But I want to believe that there’s still the chance that you can shed the Bull Connor attitude and become the Governor George Wallace of your story. He was just as bigoted but he realized the error of his ways and apologized. I’d love to see that.

Now, back to your marriages. These really should have nothing to do with your ability to love your gay brothers and sisters. It definitely should have nothing to do with your ability to do your job but let’s address it anyway. I’m fascinated by why you would choose this as your cause. A great Facebook meme once said, “If homosexuality can affect your marriage, then one of you is gay.” I can’t help but think, “What if she found out that one of her ex-husbands was gay?”   Out of anger and disappointment, you might just pursue something as crazy and inhumane as this. And when you see people applauding your defense of hetero marriage? That tells you that you’re right and your ex is wrong. That must feel great.

Kim, my authority that you are supposedly representing, will never be used to hurt any of my children. Do you understand that? NEVER. It will only be used to spread love and happiness. FOREVER. I hope you think about that. And I want to remind you, no matter what, like any good parent, I will always love you. You will always be my daughter. Just stop trying my patience.