"As Real As The Movies"

When I meet my future wife
It’s gonna be just like Dirty Dancing
I’m Johnny
The tough yet sensitive bad boy who knows how to dance
I walk in
I take her hand
We feel our hearts beat as one
We dance
And we know
So when my last girlfriend came into my life
And it didn’t feel like that
I let her go
She’s not right for me!
She’s not my baby!
And my status switches quick!
I start clicking “like” on cute girls pics!
Heck yeah
I am single once again!
So why can’t I get this woman out of my head?
Wait, which movie am I in again?
Cuz it feels like I’m the detective
At the end of Usual Suspects
And I’m putting the pieces together about my ex
The chemistry when we first met
How we perfectly danced together while we slept
We melted easily into each other’s lives
Ending each and every night
Watching “The Daily Show”
We were so close
And somehow like that
I let her go
What if the one who I’ve been looking for
Has been sleeping next to me all this time
And I’m just too blind to see it?
Oh my god
No way
I just broke up with Keyser Soze
So I go outside
And all of a sudden
I’m Harry ready for his Sally
Running through New York City streets
So I can say
I love the way you can’t wake up in the morning even with five alarms set
I love the way you eat healthy all day then devour a gallon of ice cream at midnight
I love the way your clean clothes sit in a pile for days
I love the way your finger caresses the inside of my palm while we quietly watch a play
Let’s take this chance
Let’s jump off this cliff together
Like we’re Butch and Sundance
But as I reach for her hand
She’s holding the leads
Now I’m in Glengarry Glenn Ross
And she’s demanding the ABC’s
Always Be Closing, Joe!
Step up! Be a man!
Have you figured it out yet?
What is your five-year plan?
I don’t know
And now
I’m really confused
Cuz now we’re standing in a courtroom
And you’re Tom Cruise
And you demand
“I want the truth!”
And I’m like
I can’t handle the truth!
I don’t know if I love you
I mean
I know I LOVE you
But I don’t know if I love you because I love you
Or because I love the way you love me
I just don’t see myself loving you enough
And I’m scared we’ll be sitting in the back of the bus
And you’ll be in your wedding dress
And I’ll be Dustin Hoffman
Did I do the right thing?
And why is Simon and Garfunkel playing?
And why is Al Pacino from Godfather 3 screaming in my head
You were out and she pulled you back in!
So now I sit here alone
Praying that somehow your ringtone will emerge from my phone
Cuz at times it feels like I’m Noah in The Notebook
Ready to love you no matter what you say or what you do
But you’re Sarah Marshall
You’d rather hang out with that rich British dude
Who plays the guitar
Cause they always play the guitar
But I know he loves you
You guys seem to be a much better fit
You both seem so happy in all of your profile pics
It’s Facebook official
Something that I was scared to do
Maybe it wasn’t that you weren’t right for me
Maybe I’m not right for you
And that’s okay
At least we’re friends again or at least you accepted my request
I wish you the best
Cuz I’ve gotta believe that there’s still someone waiting for me
To raise a boombox over my head
To serenade her with a full marching band
To play her in a game of 1-on-1 double or nothing
I’m gonna see her across a crowded high school gymnasium
Filled with dancing rival gang members
I will take her hand
We will dance
And we will know
Tony had Maria
Harry had Sally
Noah had Allie
Woody had Buzz
And I’m gonna have you
And sometimes it’s gonna be less Love, Actually
And more like Platoon
We’re gonna have those awful days
When Darth Vader is lowering me into carbonite
And you’re gonna say “I love you”
And I will say
Nobody puts baby in the corner.

Joe then dances like he’s in Dirty Dancing, ending with picking up an imaginary girl over his