Ode to Dan Guerrero

Here’s the piece that I wrote for Dan Guerrero’s 75th birthday this past October! Thanks to Joshua Silverstein for always going with the flow.

Joe steps to the podium.

JOE:

Born without a dollar

You grew up blue collar

You are a true pioneer

You built your own career

You didn’t look to others for support

You put your hopes for a better life into sports

Back in the day

At UCLA

Started out—

Over the speaker, we hear the Stage Manager stop Joe. Joe looks up and out towards the back.

VO:

I’m sorry. Joe. Stop. Stop.

JOE:

What?

VO:

Joe, your poem is about the wrong Dan Guerrero.

JOE:

What?

VO:

That’s a different Dan Guerrero.

JOE:

This isn’t to pay tribute to Dan Guerrero, the UCLA athletic director?

VO:

No. This is for Dan Guerrero, the…well…he’s done a lot of things.

JOE:

Okay. No, that’s okay, I did a Facebook search too.

Joe pulls out binder.

JOE:

Oh, so is this Dan Guerrero, senior partner at the Law offices of Guerrero and Chan?

VO:

No.

JOE:

Danny Guerrero the pianist?

VO:

No.

JOE:

Daniela Guerrero, the cutie who lives in Monterrey, Mexico?

VO:

No.

JOE:

Oh…is this the Dan Guerrero who’s friends with Linda Ronstadt?

VO:

YES!

JOE:

Okay. Cool. Joshua, can you help me with this? Can you guys give a round of applause for my partner Joshua Silverstein?

Joshua walks out.

JOSHUA:

I told you you were wrong.

Joshua starts beatboxing.

JOE:

Born in Tucson

Dad a musician

He follows his dreams

Like a politician

Your dad shakes hands

Writes many songs

Finds success

And you all come along

It’s the 1950s

There is no GLEE

They still think gay is somehow a disease

No out and proud on magazines

And you

You’re like

“Shit, that don’t phase me”

Your friends they say

You’re always cool

The most fabulous kid

Up in middle school

You stand strong

You stand with pride

The most glamorous man at Garfield High!

From the AZ

To East LA

Then you make your way east

Cuz you love Broadway

Non-stop

With Carlos

You never rest

Not a lot of chances

To prove you’re the best

Acting in the 60s

Lotta white dudes

Not a lotta room

For tall gay Chicano dudes!

So skinny

No belts worked

So you rock suspenders

And tight-ass shirts

You look good!

Head’s on straight

And you somehow survive

On $5 a day!

Up state

Summer stock

Rock the cape cod

But you’re so broke

You’ve gotta take a job

You become an agent

You’re rising fast

You represent ALL

Chorus line to Cats

The years go by

New York’s a ride

You have a good time

But you say goodbye

In LA

The sky’s so bright

Your condo’s way bigger than your spot in Brooklyn Heights

You never stop

It’s a new phase

You start casting, writing, producing

All in three days

From NBC to HBO

Univision’s

Paul Rodriguez show

You embrace our life

Make Latinos stars

Rock PBS with your girl Vikki Carr!

You’ve put so much art into motion

You’ve survived every Latino explosion!

And where does a youthful producer go?

Hell, it’s time to write my solo show!

35 years later

Back on stage

There’s just no way

We can keep you away

So many years

You’ve done your best

So many years

Each a success!

You’ve worked so hard

You grab a hold

At 75

Baby…you’re gold!

You’re just getting warm

While others may leave

You’ve got one more title up your sleeve

Your values you hold strong like a python

Cuz you’re Dan Guerrero

A mother fuckin’ ICON!